The Banana trick

I type this as I sip my coffee… nice & exhilarating. But for some reason I want to say that I drink coffee because it is healthy. Oops… nutritious… no damn it for wellness… no not wellness… lifestyle. I lie muddled with my inability to classify what kinds drink coffee is. What is the big difference between those you may ask. If you do, then you supposedly are not even as educated as the C segment customer group according to expert’s opinion. The C segment of the market, as against any numbers that you may crunch with your marketing research, is apparently well verse with the nuances that underlay diminutive distinctions between the above mentioned adjective!
Now I take a look at what I was drinking. Nescafe Relax! Essentially the name suggests it is under the life style category. However, the product sub-grouping comes under Nescafe “Wellness” theme. And the theme tag line says “Choose a Healthy option – Nescafe Wellness”. It contains anti-oxidants for health benefits… http://www.philstar.com/archives.php?&aid=2008020669&type=2&
I am laughing out here. If this was to be done as a term project in my college… the product will get a failing grade. Catering to segment A & B, they apparently don’t even know the difference between the adjective which the C segment is conversant with. This is either a marketing anomaly, never ever witnessed in the history of man kind or is a simple farce.
The product how ever is doing well. Can any one explain why? The industry is supposedly damn too dynamic. What was 100% bang on target marketing strategy on Nov 2007 is a complete failure by February 2008. Incredible isn’t it? Back then in Nov probably the customers were illiterate and didn’t perceive any difference what so ever, but suddenly someone taught them all English!; within a span of 3 months… Revolutionary!
The emerging trends in marketing strategy… is to sit together as a group, decide on a brilliant idea or rather just an idea. And then follow this sequence. I call this the “banana trick”. For no reason obviously.
1. Pricing strategy: Fix a price. Bid for it… take a pick… draw straws… ask the competitors :P… we don’t cares a damn about demand curve and price elasticity? Such things are blasphemous.
2. Product: mix and match something… for example, if hot dog is the favorite of many a people… a blub should glow atop your head... eureka… chicken hot dog flavored condom.!! “take a dig” wow tag line done too.. The same justification holds; most preferred flavor, most people feel hungry after the act… come on dudes, if you can visualize a product so shitty, you can definitely come up with shittier arguments to support it. Did I hear someone shout product testing??! What the! We don’t do such things here… instead we conduct an FGD and ask people to imagine flavor!! It like imagining a new color. Humanly, psychologically, biologically.. or however one may put it…“impossible”…. I know, but what the hell, you get the grades.
3. Promotion: any thing will do, as long as you fix 10% of a fake, cooked up revenue figure. Why 10%? it’s the finger rule… I mean the thumb rule.
4. Place: How about a pipeline??! Like the gas, a coffee pipeline. If you want, you can project it as a blue ocean strategy. Come on… we like creative minds here, anything sells as long as you can just put some fake figures along with it.
5. There was a 5th P.. I forgot.. it isn’t exposing itself! Let us forget it for the time being.
So.. yeah that pretty much it. You are now officially a marketing expert. Celebrate!! I shall get back to more blue oceans ideas… curd flavored coffee…. Hmm… sherbet flavored coffee… …. ….. ….