Thursday, April 20, 2006

Desparate Measures!!

The following is an original letter, typed, printed, signed, sealed and handed over to a my firend's girl friend.

Viswa
Consultant,
DaimlerChrysler Research and Technology India
137, Infantry Road
Bangalore 560001

19th July 2005

Dear Ms S.R,

(Sub: A cry for help)

This is to bring to your notice, the acute torture me and my friends are being subjected to. The source of this nuisance is none other than our beloved Mr S K G. Unlike the way he was during the previous eight years that I have had spent with him, his sense of humor has taken a sudden twist and has plummeted to deplorable low. Probably the kind girls may be regaled with. “Unthaangable” is the only word to describe it aptly. To make things worse, it is also extremely contagious, crippling the otherwise good conversations.

Beyond this, there are the usual stuff like ‘OTMP’ and the signature incessant laughter. His laughter has given our house owner an impression that we bring some girls home. More often than not, in your absence, he tends to display total insanity like “praanding.. kadichivechifying” etc.

Hence I and my friends plead you to hold him with you as long as possible. Do not give him free time. Engage him with household grocery buying, garbage dumping activities. For Christ’s sake, please help us. Please prevent our physical, financial damage and mental torture. Unkakku puniyama poogum.

Thanking you

One of the victims


Viswa

PS: following are the names of other victims and their collective cry for mercy. Hope this helps you understand the gravity of the situation.


Disclaimer: Due to the constraints on time and distance, a sub group of the affected lot has raised this petition. The number is subjected to increase in due course.

We hereby agree to the contents stated in the letter and expect your fullest cooperation.





Ramanathan Krishnan





Shemeer Babu





Anush Santhanam





Prasanna S.P





Mukund Narayan.





Collins

Why I Cry - Cryptic tears


Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.
Forced to live life for its own sake
A conscript in human form; a cosmic mistake.

For the worst form of life, the so called human
Know not the meaning of life, in large and common.
Neither brute nor divine, they have no position defined
All essentially savage they feign cultured and refined.

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

They coined terms while attempting apotheosis
Love sacrifice and kindness; meek mortality aspiring divine bliss
They can’t define them; their purpose is to belie the only emotion
-selfishness, a fact these fools fear to accept and always shun

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

They created god yet cope to believe the otherwise
Ironically, to appease god, they kill more, than any deadly device
They feign moral, virtuous and principled to acquire holy shape
Once debunked, “only human” secures lowly brazen escape.

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

Money they invented and seek, sex the crave and lust they reek
Laws of the society they call it, as they cruelly exploit the weak
They kill animals n make stuffed toy, rainforest they did destroy
They plague this planet, infect it, aimlessly multiply and enjoy

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

Of all forms created, humans are the worst
All but pots of sperms, perennially prepared to burst
Deluded minds burdening itself with eluding virtue
To reproduce more such pots, only this they do for true

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

Even dogs personify fidelity and the dolphins portray intelligence
Yet he mocks at them as lower life, while he himself is of no salience
There is no purpose in life; I don’t want to be among them as another one
Helpless hence I cry in womb unheard only until I am …..

Born into bondage and by carnal lust,
On this earth I sojourn, and die I must.

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Bachelor Blues

The empty bottle rolled on the ground not fully drained though. There was no cheer, no clamoring, no boisterous mirth or merriment, neither were there any metal songs enqueued in the winamp nor any head banging. A lone bottle sapped of its strength with little life left. That is more or less what his life has become. Inebriated post consumption of the enormous quantity of alcohol he finally felt the kick. Reclined, into shapeless ease, concentrating on the oblivion and the deep peaceful silence, the everyday ritual of going to sleep culminated but in vain. His trenchant eyes started staring inwards, into the lucid memory.
For about half an hour he lay there, seeing things in duality. He fears not the feeling that he might fall on the ceiling and wasn’t clinging on to the bed. Thoughts passed rushed through the empty space faster than time. Was thinking of some heydays but wasn’t unhappy now. It is just that uninterrupted peace of the boredom has taken over revelry and happiness.
As he cruised back onto the remnants of the long lost celebrations, Sunny walked in.
“Hi da. You alone? Where are the others?” asked he with a voice of disappointment. Disappointed he should be because only a presence of the whole gang would justify the cutting short of his date with this girl friend.
“They both said they would be here in another ten minutes. But that was roughly two hours back”
“Oh” said Sunny with a perfectly sketch-able look of repentance.
“You needn’t have hurried. May be you should have stayed out with your girl friend a little longer.”
“No. it is ok. I will give you company.” As he said that his eyes were already in recollecting–the–date-mode. The tone wasn’t indifferent but all the kinesis asserted so.
“Nothing much” said Viswa with the same formal indifference as the question itself.
“How long have they been out? I have hardly seen Maddy after; So much for his ‘meeting the friends’ trip to our place. What has he got for us from the US?”
“Chiva’s Regal.”
“You drank it alone? You should have waited for them right?”
“he is not going to come tonight. I know it. Know him too well to believe that he would come. Anyways, I drank the perennial reserve that I have at home. Haven’t touched the gift”
“I didn’t know the difference”
“Teetotalers are forgiven”
“Is he with her?”
“Ofcourse, the purpose of his visit.”
“Don’t say that”
“Why shouldn’t I? It is a fact. And I am ready to take it. And I am always hopeful of the fall out of the main theme. I do get to see him as he would stay here over the weekend.”
“Isn’t that enough? Like he is going to be here anyways.”
“I didn’t ask for much. I am just realizing that the purpose for his trip is not to see us. I don’t know why he avoids spelling out the obvious. May be he is not convinced of his notion to be morally correct himself. May be he feels the need to give us more importance, which means he is currently not giving us the best he can. I am not blaming him though.”
“That is true. Priorities. Remember, we were four while at college, and then became 3 after M.iyer got a girl friend. Now were are only two, the last standing babas…”
said Sunny with a known air of shamelessness. And as his cell phone rang it was more than obvious that he was going to excuse himself for another hour. It was as evident as the full moon on a cloudless night, cold yet something to cheer for. Sunny is characterized by eloping midway during the conversation.
Meanwhile that last statement from Sunny irritated Viswa. It was not just an ironical and sarcastic statement but was the heights of brazen hypocrisy aimed to annoy and have fun by irritating. As inappropriate and audacious as an accused testifying aloud at court, that he is deaf and dumb, with an unwarranted big laugh to follow.
But the statement was traditional. The count of four had been associated to the gang right from their first year at college. As laid in by the procedural portrayal of a deep friendship in any novel or movie; they had lived it. But as every year passed, the count reduced by one and the end of the fourth year. And the statement used to be refined with the exact count post every change. All the three but Viswa had succumbed to cupid’s arrow. Things changed; a transformation so intangibly slow yet irrevocably steady like a cancer that made the friendship quite tenuous. It is no longer the heart that holds the bond, but the mind. The tie requires a conscious effort in order to be held together, hence is the tension and uneasiness. All the four know this, realize this and hence it becomes more obvious and vicious.
Now that Maddy was back from US for the break it was planned that they all meet up. The plan was still on with some schedule slippage. If Maddy and M.iyer choose to remain with their girls, then it would fail. Viswa was more than convinced that it would fail, just like the previous five plans did.
Sunny was still on phone, may be bearing the burden of salvaging the otherwise sinking telecom company. Essentially he remained mute. The reason could either be docile attention or a decree from the otherside. He would try to play the role of jester desperately trying to please a phlegmatic king, with culled in poor jokes, really horrible ones studied over the internet, inappropriately fitted, yet he managed to succeed in regaling her over the least expected instances. The talk would protract for hours, many a times it is only the battery that plays the villain role. But why fear when there is friend near by, who has no one to call him over the phone. One the kit is switched, the conversation continues, with a gratuitous mention of gratitude, teasing the friend, some begging, pleading, apologizing and finally forgetting everything about and around him.
After she said she wanted to sleep, Sunny sang the usual horrible lullaby, probably considered romantic or something and she could wait not to hang up.
“Yeah so where were we?” asked Sunny as if he had excused himself just about sec or so.
“I was just wondering what you talk about so much”
“Nothing much. She tells me what she did the whole day, and so did I. You know today she…”
“Everyday? And that takes an hour and a half?” interrupted Viswa. He wasn’t interested in knowing what she had done all day.
“Yeah it starts with that, then some old topics crop up, like the way she hit me outside Indi Joe’s, she scolds me for something, then we fight over something and then patch up. It is some much fun”. As he said it, he was already reliving and enjoying the experience.
“oh” said Viswa detached as if he had not asked the question at the first place. But he was bewildered by the response, as this is not what a sane human being with some sense of dignity will stand. He knew, any further probing might either reveal that Sunny is a psycho or that Viswa might at no point of time be able to comprehend what his friends have become.
Just then Maddy n M.iyer barged in. There was some respite now, some joy, some heartfelt enquiries and comments typical of a reunion. Viswa had been waiting for this and M.iyer couldn’t wait to open the bottle. Over the discussion it was evident that there had been quite a few happenings that hadn’t been shared. Viswa happened to mention it as an observation.
“Probably we should start mailing in or chatting more often” suggested Maddy
“I think I buzz you many a times but before I do that, I am made to wonder if you are busy chatting with your girl”, Viswa again went on stating a fact but there was a bit of concern this time.
“I don’t get much time while I am at the lab. Sometimes I manage to get hold of her and if I do, then I always tell you, don’t I?”
“Yes ‘always’. Every time I managed to gather so guts and buzz you I find you busy”
The last time and perhaps the only time Maddy had mailed was asking Viswa to carry present to Maddy’s girl friend, as a part a meticulous plan to make it reach her on her birthday.
“But I buzz u always, don’t I Viswa?” said Sunny, with a sense of goodness
“oh dear you do, but as I remember you telling me, you do that to keep some chat windows open, in such a way that neither your parents nor your sister will be able to make out that it is only your girl that you are chatting with. How cheap can you get?”
Sunny was laughing, perhaps thinking that he was super intelligent species to have used a technique like that. M.iyer was surfing the channels; typical of him to jump from one thing to another which he like doing the best, indifferent to what others are doing around him. His presence can be felt only when he stretches his glass for a refill.
“not just that, I infact asked you to move close to my house, it was such a nice gesture of mine. But Viswa, you and your roommates didn’t.” said he in jest. Nobody knew why he wanted to burden himself with the task to enliven the conversation while he was pathetic at it. But Viswa chose not to talk back, for he knew the generous invite, was infact a way to get rid of roommates while Sunny brought his girl friend home.
“I think we can choose not to talk about this topic. It is kind of unsuitable for a reunion” Viswa realized aloud, looking into the glass of whisky, swirling it lazily thereby creating a whirlpool in the whisky.
The topic changed; mostly nostalgic. Now that was a reunion. They laughed; they chewed over cherished memories, mentally travel back in time and stayed in it for 2 hrs till they emptied the drink. And then the dreaded talk about the future came; about the career and then ensconcing in life. The trio indulgent with frenzy to discuss the problems they are likely to face in getting married to their present girl friends. One talked about horoscope and how the cosmos stood to conspire against him. Other one elaborated the factual odds against him with numbers, probability theory and stochastic forecasting. The third one said his parents were quite ok, but he had to get an MBA degree and earn more than his girl’s sister. Viswa was passive and tried to understand the conversation but couldn’t. He had not believed in horoscope’s foreboding and there was a flaw in the usage of that stochastic forecasting. While they were amusing themselves with the uncertainties they pretended to be fighting, he just realized how rare a get together this was. At that point of time he wanted to forgive them all. He knew he was reduced to a portal of old memories occasionally visited by the trio only when they wanted to; a readily available handyman and company occasionally commissioned by the trio whenever they wanted to. The future together was quite bleak, without a conscious effort it might cease to exit. The trio wouldn’t put any effort he thought to himself. He did not understand what made them loose interest in an old company. Cricket matches are still on for discussion; so are the cinema vamps. Why don’t they ever fulfill their side of friendship? Why do they expect people to think that their love for their girls justifies their not being a proper friend in need? Why have they failed to recognize that even their friend wants a part of their time too? He could not conjure a reason more appropriate to suit his state of helplessness and hence anger, that guys are bewitched, and so it was up to him to tolerate the changes and some insults disguised as friendship. He despised the girls verily, totally and frequently. But he liked them too because the three couples were really strong and true. It was the inevitable design of time that would create a rift quite soon, but why now he thought. Perhaps he is being too possessive or impractical or dependant. What ever it was, he deiced to hold on to the friendship as long as he can. In a flash he was back to reality, sitting besides the three who had just crept into the arm of sleep, still rolling and yawning. He tidied the place and squeezed his way between them and lay supine. The scenario is something he will not understand, the logic may not convince him but he has to live with it, whether he chose to or not.