I Wonder - II

How to have a grand wedding:
1. Become a cine star or be born as a son to a cine star (who endorses every possible thing on this planet)
2. Secretly fall in love with a Miss world (all miss worlds eventually becomes actresses as per Indian culture) who herself has had a couple of controversial hook ups.
3.Make sure you spawn a gossip about your romance and then pretend innocent.
4. When the ‘worthless’ media (I know, a redundant adjective) questions you, you say “hmm” “no” “nothing like it” “we are just friends” “may be” “yeah we are good on screen. I take that as compliment...” “I don’t subscribe to speculations” etc, thus occupy the front page of every damn newspaper for a period of 3-4 months.
5. Go on a pilgrimage with you family and those of your lover’s and make sure you appear on all the other pages as well. (If you use your acumen, you can strike a deal with the paparazzi)
6.Suddenly avow that the marriage is fixed (This is a relief; we know its going to be off the news in a few months time)
7. Get the politicians, swamijis, flim faternity and fans to bless you. (They don’t bless you in person, these bloody people too call for press conferences.. what crap?)
8. Get your astrologer a 1 hr slot on TV to tell the public about the nuptial – natal details. (Is this the need of our nation? Great. How blessed are we people!!). You get paid too by attending ‘Rendezvous with Simi Garewal’ ‘Coffee with Karan’ and all possible talk shows. (Don’t worry we people will watch anything.. why else do you think we were born?)
9. Sell the royalty to cover your wedding preparations. (Enough and more money to cover your next 10 generations living expense)
10. Never leave the media to cover anything else, may it be news paper or TV or FM or even the local pamphlet.

After having done all these .. have guts to call it a “Low profile.. Simple.. ceremony”

In the offing..
1.Appear as a family … endorse products as a family.. FMCG n electronic goods should do
2.Go to a honeymoon.. say it’s a secret location and let the media follow.
3.Raise a son.. n let him start all over from the point one (We will make him a star too.. what else would my children be born for?)

I feel the telemarketing group is needlessly blamed for ruining one’s time. But we the “busy” guys should start looking at the brighter side.
1. 90% of the time it’s a GIRL who calls. Except this no girl ever calls us. 2. Their voices are sweet n their names are cute. So in our imagination they are always beautiful.3. We have half succeeded in impressing the lady even before the start of the conversation. Coz she knows that we own a credit card to start with.4. They make the ideal pass time relationship. We pick the call once, have fun and hang up other times. Yet no one is hurt. No tags attached
5. They call us up to give us money. Gals only take money, never give.
6. They are available 24/7 to hear your grievances. Usually no girl ever listens to our jokes leave alone grievances.
7. There is never a lack of choice. There are a million of them out there to choose from.

We the people of Tamil Nadu are great people with impeccable lineage. We uphold an unassailable culture based on virtue (but we are afraid Hindi can ruin us). We do moral policing to preserve our culture (but we watch Shakila movies on pirated CDs.) All our political parties stem from one single atheist party (but we build temples for actresses and do ‘paal abhiskeham’ for our hero’s cut out whilst our family can die starving). The best part though is that the word corruption doesn’t even exist in our lexicon. In the 1960s political parties gave us rs 10 -15 to vote for them. That was bribery, so we opposed it. Now in 2006 politicians give us color TV, 2 acre land per family and all this from Government treasury. How wonderful! Its all legal now. Hence, no corruption. We don’t want primary schools, we don’t need hospitals.. give us color TV for our kids shall grow watching mega serials.